From Dana:
I sat down to write a post about Easton…his birthday, how
awesome he is, and his latest birthday interview. That’ll come, I promise. And I’m excited to put into words how much awesome
he injects into our lives. But right now
my heart is too heavy and my mind is too full to write the carefree, fun post
that needs to be.
Our family has changed a lot in the past two years; I have
gained two sister-in-laws and a sweet, snuggly niece. It’s great to finally have some girl power in
our family (prior to said sister-in-laws and niece my mom and I were the only
female figures)! Family get-togethers
and holidays have reached a new level of awesome with each new Van Zanten. J
Last week we were deep into preparations for Easton’s
monster truck birthday bash. We were
nearly certain my brother and his wife, Katie, wouldn’t be attending as Katie
had been struggling with a migraine for a number of days and was struggling to
get a handle on it. Two hours before
party time my mom called. They were
headed to the ER to meet Andy and Katie.
After this phone call, came a series of phone calls from the ER
including one which I will never forget. It was my dad and I listened as he said, “Andy
and Katie didn’t get very good news.
They found something in Katie’s brain.”
My response: “No!” Many of you probably know the feeling that
followed. Your heart sinks and your
stomach falls to the floor. I told David
the news and remember telling him with tears in my eyes, “I’m just so scared
for them.”
The minutes, hours, and days that followed were a huge
emotional and spiritual roller coaster for me.
I went through times when I was completely convinced that God would,
without a doubt, remove the tumor from Katie’s brain. Other times I was scared and almost downright
fearful for what the future might hold.
I reached for the Bible more times than I can count and hoped beyond
hope that a verse would jump off the page and give me reassurance that
everything would be fine. I tuned
Pandora to the Christian music station and yearned for the perfect song to play. When I think back it seems sort of silly, but
I was grasping for hope. I know any
number of uplifting verses in scripture and can list more than a few songs that
bring peace to my soul, but I wanted God to throw it in my face instead of
having to find it on my own.
One particular evening during what seemed to be a
never-ending week, I crashed. I crashed
hard. I was exhausted and couldn’t find
the energy to do the most menial tasks.
At 8:30pm my husband picked me up off the floor, told the kids to tell
me goodnight, and pushed me down the hall to bed. I was tired, but there was no way I was going
to sleep. I pulled out my Kindle and
started reading scripture; this time with meaning and purpose. When I came across a moving verse, I’d
YouTube a song that correlated. And I
cried. I emptied my soul until there were no more
tears to cry. All those walls that I had
built up behind me for support came crumbling down. But slowly, one by one, I put the bricks back
up. But this time, God was the mortar
that was holding it together. No more
hoping for the right song to play. No
more wishing a meaningful verse would jump off the page. I know my God and I know He’s always there
for me. I didn’t need those things for
proof.
My brother and his wife are insanely incredible. They have not wavered from the very
beginning. They have not lost
faith. They have, in fact, done the
complete opposite. They are soaring high
and finding ways to praise and thank God for his goodness. My brother called to give me Katie’s
preliminary diagnosis and the final words of his phone call were, “So send up a
few prayers of thanksgiving.” In a time
when they could have crumbled, they held strong and clung to their loving
Father. They are admirable and I just
know this story will have an awesome ending because of their faith and love for
God.
So that’s it. This is
not the end. This is the beginning. This is the beginning of something we have no
control over and don’t need to try to control.
God has this. He has Andy &
Katie in the palm of His hand and they are clinging to him as a child should
cling to their Father in a time of need.
They are not ignorant, but they are not fearful. “I can do all things through Christ who
strengthens me.” –Philippians 4:13. Andy
& Katie…they are living out this verse.
Christ has given them the strength to handle this situation and they are
making Him so, so proud.